Yuan's Quest For Pets
by Meowzy-chan
Summary: It all started when Kratos gave Yuan two tropical fish for his birthday... [YxK!]
1. Cam and Chris

Yuan's quest for pets

((A/N: Yup, another fanfic by Meowzy. And yup, it's about Yuan. Some say I'm obsessed. And they might be right. Eeheeheeh!

Anyway, general warnings to go with this fic:

1: It supports Yuan/Kratos! If you can't stand the guy/guy, then you shouldn't read.

2: It's sorta alternate-universed. I think... Kratos knows Yuan is the leader of theRenegades, but doesn't do a thing about it. Mithos is still alive too!

3: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, or the characters! That would be Namco.

4: ... Wait, there is no 4! Uhm... Enjoy!))

* * *

Cam and Chris.

"What the hell?"

My eyes widening, I stared at the man in front of me. Had he gone insane? Had his age finally addled with this brain?

"It _is_ your birthday, is it not?" Kratos Aurion asked.

"Yeah, I suppose. But I stopped celebrating years ago." I replied, frowning.

"Then it's time you got started again. Now take it." Kratos held out the plastic bag in his hand.

"Where did you get these?" I asked, accepting it. The bag contained pure ocean water, and two fish. One of them was brown red-ish, with slightly rugged and pointy fins. The other was light blue, with a long and slender tail. Was there a hidden motive to this?

"I caught them myself." Kratos grinned proudly.

"And you expect me to keep them? Waste my money on a glass tank, and lord knows what else these creatures need?" I frowned slightly.

"I got a manual to go with it." He held out a small booklet. The title read 'Tropical fish for dummies'.

"... I see."

"Just give it a try. They'll really cheer up the office. Besides, pets are man's best friend." Kratos grinned again.

"Doesn't that just count for dogs?"

"Errr... I don't really think there's a difference." he mumbled.

"Well, alright then." I shrugged. As long as it would get him to stop pestering me.

"You won't regret it." Kratos slapped me on the shoulder, nearly causing me to drop the bag.

* * *

A few hours later, I had returned to my office with a large glass tank, several plants and colourful pebbles, a plastic castle, a water filter and a heater. Installing it all took a hell of a lot of time. And the water needed to be just the right temperature too. Still, as I released the fish into the water, I couldn't help but notice a strange feeling of satisfaction. 

Sitting back, I watched them swim around, exploring their new terrain. Zooming in and out of the castle, or hiding in the plants. They were a lively couple. But... They lacked something. A name.

After thinking deeply, I decided to name the brown one Cam, and the blue one Chris. I had no clue how to tell their gender, so I assumed they were both male. Still, as they were a completely different species of fish, they couldn't have babies anyway.

After a few days, I grew accustomed to their presence. They were really nice to look at. And sometimes I even caught the Renegades, who would bring in a report, admiring them too.

* * *

About a week after I had received the fish, Kratos came by to see how they were doing. 

"They've really adapted, haven't they?" he asked, leaning forward to peer into the aquarium.

"I suppose." Looking up from my paperwork, I had a nice view of his behind. As I felt my cheeks grow hot, I quickly averted my gaze again.

"So you named them Cam and Chris, eh?" he asked, turning back to me.

"Yeah. So?"

"I'm pretty sure Cam is a female." Kratos grinned widely.

"Oh? Well, it doesn't matter." I responded, giving a slight wave with my hand.

"Seems like they've grown rather fond of each other." The human turned to watch both fish chase each other around in the huge tank.

"Hmm… Well, there won't be any offspring. They're completely different species." I commented.

"Species or offspring don't matter when you're in love." Kratos said, suddenly approaching me.

"… In love?" I looked up sharply. "We _are_ still talking about fish, right?"

"It's more of a… general concept." He mumbled, sitting down on my desk.

"Ah." Where was he getting with this?

"I mean, Cam wouldn't turn Chris down because he's a completely different type of fish."

"… Uhuh."

"Do you think Chris would turn Cam down?" he asked, staring deeply into my eyes. Okay, this certainly was suspicious.

"I uh… Don't think so. No."

"See? No problems." Kratos said with a slight smile.

"I never said there were any problems. I mean, like you said, they've adapted quite well." I frowned slightly.

"… Are you normally this slow about things?" Kratos crossed his arms and glanced at me in an impatient way.

"Then maybe you should stop beating around the bush." I replied in defence.

"If you insist." The human gave a vague sort of shrug, and leaned forward, kissing me on the lips. Oooh, so _that_'s what this was all about. I guess I really should've seen it coming. All the hints he'd been throwing around… But saying it like this was rather crude, wasn't it? Yet, I wasn't complaining.

The magical moment came to a rather abrupt end, as Kratos suddenly broke off.

"Yuan?"

"What?" I growled, feeling a rush of irritation come over me.

"Your fish are… staring at us." The human glanced over at the aquarium, rather nervously. I followed his gaze. Cam and Chris had stopped zooming around the tank, and nearly plastered their little faces to the glass. They wore an almost expectant look.

"Errr…" Okay, this was awkward. My fish had turned into fangirls.

"They're kinda creeping me out now." Kratos mumbled, turning red.

"Let's uh… continue our discussion in my bedroom." I suggested, getting to my feet. Cam and Chris slowly turned on the spot to continue staring at us, as we made our way to the door on the other side of my office. As I closed it behind us, I quickly stuck out my tongue. They gave me some sort of sad fish pout in return.

* * *

((Cam is named after Cam Clarke, Kratos's voice actor. Chris is named after Chris Edgerly, Yuan's voice actor! Cute, no?)) 


	2. Heather

Yuan's quest for pets

((A/N: 6 reviews on the first chapter! Wow! Thanks everyone!))

* * *

Heather.

It was a few weeks after that, that Kratos approached me after a Cruxis meeting. All the cardinals and Yggdrasill had immediately left once the meeting was over, but I had stayed in my seat, staring blankly ahead as my head rested on my hands.

"Yuan, you can go home now, you know." Kratos poked me softly.

"Huh?" I looked up at him, blinking tiredly.

"What's with you? You haven't shot a single sarcastic remark at Yggdrasill today."

"... Cam died." I responded, staring ahead again.

"What?" Kratos grabbed a chair, and sat down next to me.

"I just... woke up one morning, and there he was. Floating at the surface of the water. Dead." I shrugged slightly.

"That's horrible." the human gasped.

"Oh, it gets better." I scoffed. "Chris was so lonely, he was getting sick too. So I decided to find him a new friend. First, I saw this wonderful green fish. But it was so beautiful, I couldn't bring myself to catch it. I went for a yellowish one instead. I named it James. But... He was continuously bullying Chris, so after about a day, I flushed him down the toilet." I shrugged again. Seriously, that fish had bugged me too much. He deserved it.

"No way!"

"Yes way. And a few days later, Chris died too." I sighed, pouting slightly.

"Oh Yuan..." Kratos patted me on the shoulder sympathetically.

"It's just the way things go, right? With pets, I mean. You spend a lot of money on them, and then they die. Circle of life, and survival of the fittest, and all that crap." What was I thinking, anyway? Getting attached to fish. I never should've accepted them in the first place. Stupid Kratos and his stupid birthday gifts...

"Well, We can always find you a new pet." the human grinned.

"Like what?" I grunted.

"You seem like a cat person."

"Are you comparing me to one of those old ladies, who lives all alone and has a billion cats?" I snarled back at him.

"No. Not all cat people are old ladies, you know." Kratos chuckled in a sheepish way. "I mean, there's this guy at the Palmacosta inn, who has loads of cats too."

"And he lives all alone and never leaves his room." I added, frowning.

"... Well, I'm getting you a cat, whether you like it or not." Kratos got to his feet with a determined look on his face.

"Ah great." I sighed, feeling a headache coming on.

* * *

As promised, the human appeared in my office later that day, carrying a small kennel. Irritated scratching could be heard from inside. 

"How do you always manage to sneak past my Renegades like that?" I asked, frowning. Somehow, Kratos always managed to crack the password to my office too, just seconds after I'd changed it.

"Secrets of the trade." he said with a sly smirk.

"Tch."

"Anyway, I brought you your cat." he put the kennel down on the floor, and opened the door.

"You mean the cat I never asked f-" I stopped in mid-sentence, as a slender, blonde cat hopped in front of me. Somehow, I felt all annoyance melt away, as I stared into its light blue eyes.

"Her name's Heather. I don't really like it, but that's the name she's grown accustomed to now." Kratos shrugged.

"It sounds fine to me." I replied. Sinking through my knees, I petted her on the head. She purred contently, causing me to smile slightly.

"Well, I can see my work here is done." Kratos laughed, turning back to the door.

"Kratos?" I called.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

* * *

"Meeeow!" 

Looking up from my paperwork, I noticed that Heather was scratching the door of my office. ... Again! Whenever she did that, it was a clear sign she wanted it to open.

"Yeah, yeah." I sighed, getting to my feet. I pressed the button that opened the door and Heather quickly zoomed into the hallway. The door slid shut again. I returned to my desk, and had just sat down when...

"Meeow!"

I groaned loudly, rubbing my temples. Why couldn't that damn creature make up her mind? The entire day, she'd been scratching doors and meowing in an annoying way. Maybe, if I just ignored her, it'd stop.

"Meeeeeeeeow!"

At one point, the wailing got so loud, I couldn't concentrate on my work anymore. For the hundredth time that day, I got up, stomped over to the door, nearly smashed the button with my fist, and allowed Heather to enter. She gave me a grateful look in return.

"Whiny little brat..." I mumbled, sitting down again. But just five seconds had passed when...

"Meooow!"

"That's it!" I shouted, banging my fist on the desk. "I'm installing cat doors!"

* * *

And, as promised, the Renegades had soon installed cat doors in nearly every section of the base. They gave me strange looks, but I'd forbidden them from asking questions. Now that the doors were installed, however, Heather resorted to laying around on my bed. Ungrateful little thing. 

Sadly, that wasn't the end of my problems. Cat doors seemed to be the perfect trap for uninvited guests.

My eyes snapped open, as I suddenly heard a slight banging sound.

"...?" Glancing over at my alarmclock, I saw that it was two-thirty in the morning. Heather was fast asleep near my feet. So what could cause a sound like that? Sitting up to glance around, I received a rather nasty shock. Shock, that was soon replaced with amusement. Trying very hard not to laugh, I got out of bed and approached my bedroom door.

"Ahem?"

"This... is not what it looks like!" Kratos Aurion stuttered. He'd somehow managed to get his head stuck in the cat door.

"Oh really?" I asked, grinning widely.

"... Okay, it _is_ what it looks like. But I have a perfectly good explanation!" he called desperately.

"I'd love to hear it." I crossed my arms, and smirked down at him expectantly.

"You see... I... Errr... Dreamt I was a cat... And sleepwalked over here."

"... Sure..."

"Just get me out of here!"

"Easier said than done." I sighed.

How he even managed to get his head through the small flap was beyond me. And getting him out would be even harder. The most logical way would be to pull him out from behind. But I couldn't get to the other side of the door. If I opened it, the man would certainly be decapitated. Not a very pleasant way to die. Then, that left only one option. I was sure it would work, since it was quite simple. However, I decided that these kind of things only happened once in a lifetime. Twice, when you're a seraph. So I had to exploit it a bit more. Grinning again, I opened a drawer from one of the desks, and pulled out a camera.

"Say cheese." I called evilly, as the flasher went off.

"Dammit!" Kratos shouted, desperately trying to tug his way to freedom again. By now, Heather had woken up too. She was staring at Kratos indignantly.

"Look, it's quite simple." I shrugged. "Just teleport yourself out."

"... Oh yeah..." Kratos closed his eyes, and disappeared. A second later, he reappeared on the ground next to me.

"Does ickle Kratty-kins feel better now?" I asked in a voice creepy old aunties would use.

"Yes, I do." Kratos got to his feet and dusted himself off, before turning to me. "Now hand over that camera!" he tried to make a grab for it, but missed.

"You'll have to pry it from my dead hands!" I called, holding it up.

"Damn you!" Kratos shoved me over, so that I fell onto the bed, and nearly squished Heather. She managed to jump out of the way just in time.

"Hand. it. over." he growled.

"Never!" No options left, I shoved the camera into my pants.

"... You make things too easy." the human shrugged, grinning evilly. Heather let out a low hiss, and disappeared through the cat door.

The next morning, when Kratos left again, I shoved Heather into his hands with the words: "She's almost as annoying as you. Give her to a little kid or something."

* * *

((Awwwww... But Yuan is still without a pet.)) 

((James was named after James Arnold Taylor, Yggy's voice actor, and Heather was named after Heather Hogan, Colette's voice actor.  
Had Yuan caught the green fish, he'd have named it Kim, after Kim Mai Guest. (Martel!)))


	3. Tara

Yuan's quest for pets

((A/N: And Yuan's quest continues! ... After these responses.

**Sesshy is sexii:** Yes, Yuan wonders the same thing, actually. How does Kratos do it? The auburnhaired-bishie has been turned into a complete dork in this fic...

**ObliqueFireAngel:** Your mind went down the gutter? Well, welcome to my world.Yuan will have a hamster in chapter... 6 I think.

**Azalee:** The parrot is for chapter 5. And what an amazing creature it is...

**Off:** Handy, no? Still, the coolest voiceactor remains Cam Clarke! -_love love_-

**Everyone else:** Thanks for reviewing! Yaaay!))

* * *

Tara.

Still, Kratos Aurion was no quitter. He seemed determined to get me a pet. So, the next day...

"What the hell did you bring with you _this_ time?" I snarled, looking up to see Kratos enter my office, carrying a large cardboard box.

"Why, good day to you _too_, dearest Yuan." he said simply, placing the box on my desk, and knocking over a pile of papers as he did so. "Still got that fishtank?"

"It's in the corner. But why-"

Kratos immediately walked over to a corner of my office, and picked up the empty fish tank. I'd been meaning to store it somewhere, but hadn't found the time to. I'd already gotten rid of the plants and other equipment though. It was just the large glass tank that was the problem.

Grunting slightly, Kratos dragged it over to an empty desk and placed it on top of it.

"What are you-" I began, frowning at him.

"Ah, ah, ah!" he held up his hand to silence me, and retreated into the hallway for a second. He returned with a large plastic bag, a strangely deformed stick and two food dishes. It wasn't until after he'd emptied the contents in the tank, that I realized what was inside the bag. It was sand. Kratos placed the stick in the tank too, together with the plastic dishes. Then he turned to the box on my desk, and opened it. I peered into it expectantly. Staring back at me was a large, creepy-looking lizard.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Kratos asked proudly.

"... Define beautiful." I said, raising an eyebrow.

"She's a desert chameleon, so she doesn't need much water." he continued, taking the creature out of its box, and placing it in the glass tank. It sat down on the strangely deformed stick, and refused to move again.

"So it's female?" I asked.

"Her natural colour is light pink, so I would assume so." Kratos shrugged. "Well, I'll leave you two to bond." and with that, he left. As the door slid shut behind him, there was a long silence. I stared at the chameleon, and she stared back at me. I could faintly hear the famous 'Psycho' theme playing in the back of my head.

"Errr... Hi. Your name is Tara now. Don't bother me, and I won't bother you." I said. Tara blinked slowly, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. Ignoring it, I returned to my paperwork.

* * *

Still, as the days passed, my relationship with Tara didn't seem to improve much. Mostly because she scared the hell out of me. Every day, she would just sit there on her stick, leering at me as I worked. At times, I wondered if she was even still alive. She'd show me she hadn't died by flashing her tongue at me. 

Four days after Kratos had dumped her in my office, the most disturbing accident took place. I had once again been piled in paperwork, and forced to work late. Being the leader of a large organisation wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Rubbing my eyes tiredly, I looked at the clock. One o' clock in the morning. And still many more forms to sign. I glanced over at Tara, and once again the 'Psycho' theme started playing in my head as she stared back at me. I quickly shook it off, and got up to make myself some coffee. I could feel the chameleon's eyes burning in my back, as the 'Psycho' theme grew louder. I whipped around to see her staring at me once again.

"Stop that." I growled, before turning back to the coffee machine. After the mug was filled, I raised it to my lips and took a sip. Just then, the 'Psycho' theme raised its climax, as I looked back and was shocked to find that the glass tank was empty. Well, okay, not exactly empty... The sand and the stick and all were still there. But Tara had disappeared. I spat the coffee all across my desk in surprise.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed, walking over to the tank. I peered inside it, verifying that she hadn't just camouflaged herself, but truly vanished. The top was still on it. How did she manage to escape in a second? And where was she now? Suddenly feeling a chill rush through me, I glanced around the office. No sign of her.

"Oh dammit." Wondering if I should contact Kratos, I took a step forward. Big mistake. Instead of stepping on the floor, my foot came in contact with something soft. Hopping back again, I saw Tara materialise in front of me. She was no more.

"... Oops."

* * *

Just as I went outside to dispose of Tara's body, I ran into Kratos again. It creeped me out that he was just sitting outside my base, but I decided to let it slide. 

"How's the chameleon?" he asked, staring up at me.

"She's uh... Well, she died." I responded earnestly, placing the cardboard box on the ground and sitting down next to him.

"What? How come?"

"Her camouflaging wasn't really a good thing. Let's just keep it at that." I shrugged.

"... Uhuh..." Kratos replied slowly, not quite sure what I meant.

"I just have the worst luck with pets."

"Hey, I think I know just the pet for you." the human suddenly said.

"Oh no. _Now_ what?" I groaned.

"A dog! Dogs are man's best friend!"

"Didn't you say that counts for all pets?" I asked, frowning slightly.

"I uh... Well, I _know_ it counts for dogs!" Kratos grinned sheepishly.

"Maybe you'd be better off giving up." I sighed.

"No way! Did Mithos give up when Martel died?"

"No. He went crazy." I replied simply.

"See? That's the spirit!" Kratos hopped to his feet. "I'll go and find you a dog right now! Just wait here."

"Kratos, don't-" I began, but the human had already run off. This was gonna end in disaster. I could just feel it.

* * *

((Tara was named after Tara Strong, also known as Presea!)) 


	4. Scott

Yuan's quest for pets

((A/N: Alrighty! Next chapter time!))

* * *

Scott.

A few hours later, I was sitting in my office again, reading a book when Kratos stormed in.

"Okay, I got the perfect dog!" he said excitedly, tugging at a leash. A happy-looking brown labrador wearing a red bandana hopped into my office. It sniffed around anxiously, before sitting down.

"I have to admit, he looks nice." I said, observing it closely.

"His name's Scott. He enjoys long walks and frisbees." Kratos said, grinning.

"That's cute."

"Well, I'm off again. I'm supposed to be doing a mission for Cruxis right now." Kratos turned to the door. As he did, I saw Scott suddenly bare his teeth in an evil growl.

"Errr... Kratos?" I asked weakly.

"Hm?" the human turned back to me, but wasn't in time to see the dog's malicious snarl. Instead, Scott gave a happy bark.

"The dog was just... Uh... Oh, nevermind." I shrugged. It must've been my imagination.

"See you later Yuan." Kratos gave a slight wave, and left. I stared after him for a few seconds, but was pulled out of my daydreams when I suddenly felt a pair of jaws close around my hand.

"Son of a-"

* * *

I hoped that maybe Scott just needed some time to warm up to me. Sadly, I was mistaken. Things just seemed to get worse. The second he wasn't growling at me, he was tearing up my clothes or chasing Renegades. In fact, I was so busy trying to make sure that beast didn't destroy my base, I couldn't get any work done anymore. After a few days, most of the Renegades decided to call in sick, to try and avoid the brown-haired terror. If only I had the same luxury… 

Just as I was having another tug o' war with Scott over my cloak, Kratos came by.

"Awww, how cute!" he said, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.

This caused me to let go of the cloak in surprise, and fall back. I landed on the floor with a thud, as Scott started wagging his tail excitedly, approaching Kratos.

"Good boy." The human said, petting Scott on the head before removing my cloak from its jaws.

"No, no! _Not_ a good boy!" I shouted, crawling to my feet again. That damn beast! Acting all nice whenever Kratos was around! "He ruined my cloak!" I snatched it from Kratos's hands, and stared at the drool stains.

"He's just being playful." Kratos said with a frown, as Scott yelped happily.

"He's not! He's a hypocritical monster! The minute you leave, he'll start tearing this place apart again!"

"Yuan, don't you think you're overreacting?"

"No! Don't you get it? This creature has it in for me! He's plotting to drive me mad! Just the other day, I caught him lifting his leg against my desk!" I pointed sharply to a strange blotch at the bottom of my desk.

"Well, if you'd just take him for a walk, he wouldn't _have_ to lift his leg against your desk." Kratos responded calmly.

"I _did_ take him for a walk! I was outside in the desert for hours, waiting for him to pee! He did nothing!" I glared at Scott, who gave me an innocent puppy look in return.

"Give him some time to get used to his new surroundings. He'll come around." Kratos shrugged, and turned to leave again.

"No! Don't go!" I shouted, grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

"Why, Yuan. Since when are you so affectionate?" Kratos smirked.

"I can't let you go! The second you walk out that door, I'm dead meat!"

Scott tilted his head slightly, in a confused way. But I knew what was really on his mind. Death. Destruction. World domination!

"No need to make up excuses. I'll come visit you tonight, okay?" Kratos ran his fingers through my hair, before shaking me off and walking out the door. I swiftly turned to face Scott, who was prowling towards me, teeth bared.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

* * *

That evening, I was standing in the desert, outside the base, when Kratos approached me. 

"Gee, you really couldn't wait to see me, could you?" the human asked with a smile.

"Boy, aren't we funny." I replied sarcastically. "It's bad enough I got chased out of my own base by a dog."

"You got chased out?" Kratos repeated, chuckling.

"After receiving a nice bite mark on my leg, I decided to lock that creature up in my office, and flee outside." I said with narrowed eyes.

"Are you sure you're not overreacting?"

"Yes! I'm not safe in my own home anymore! You have to remove that monster!" I pleaded.

"If that's what you want…" Kratos shrugged, and opened the door to the base.

"How do you keep doing that?" I asked, noting that he had no problems whatsoever with the new password I had set a few hours ago.

"Can't tell. It's a trade secret." The human said, shaking his head slightly. "Are you coming or what?"

"No way! You can go in yourself." I crossed my arms and leaned back against the wall. Kratos shrugged, and entered the base. He returned with Scott five minutes later. The dog was hopping up and down happily.

"Say bye-bye to Yuan, Scott." Kratos said a sweet voice.

Scott barked loudly, and I could swear I saw an evil glint in his eyes. A glint that said 'I'll come back to destroy you.'

Letting out a faint whimper, I hurried into the base, and headed directly for my office. As the door opened, I noticed that it was a complete mess.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

* * *

((Gotta love Scott. He's named after Scott Menville, who voices Lloyd!)) 


	5. Shiloh

Yuan's quest for pets

((A/N: Finally! I can update!

**Silver Latias:** Well, Yuan is more than happy to give up on pets... But Kratos isn't!

**Seraphim Rhapsody:** I'll leave it up to your imagination what they did that night. Hehehe...

**Mandi Minamoto:** Really? Scott isa strange name for a dog? I think it's really fitting for a dog, actually...

**Kitsu:** Lol! He'll have a few more pets... But I'm not gonna spoil which!

**Everyone else:** Wow, thanks for reviewing! I didn't think this story would be a hit at all.))

* * *

Shiloh.

Though as bad as my luck with pets was, Kratos still refused to just give up. Almost as though he'd made it his life's mission to find me a pet.

Just when I thought I'd have some peace and quiet, Kratos entered my office once again, carrying a large stick. And sitting on his shoulder was...

"A parrot?" I asked, frowning at him.

"Not just any parrot! This is a special Ymir forest parrot. And it can talk!" Kratos grinned, placing the stick next to my desk. It turned out to be a perch. The parrot hopped off his shoulder, and onto the perch, letting out a loud squawk.

"That's... interesting..." I stared at the parrot's bright red with pink feathers.

"He's called Shiloh."

"I see." I got up from my desk and approached it. "And does Shiloh want a cracker?"

"Shiloh despises crackers!" the parrot replied loudly.

"Yeah, he's uh... a bit of a sweet tooth." Kratos smiled weakly.

"Hunny!" Shiloh squawked.

"Is it alright for parrots to eat something like that?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. I think so..." Kratos gave a faint shrug. "So anyway, do you like him?"

"He's okay, I guess." I admitted. "But I have to applaud your stubborn nature."

"Stubborn is my middle name." Kratos grinned. A small silence followed. "Okay, actually, it's Clancy. But don't tell anyone." he added in a whisper.

"Clancy!" Shiloh squawked, flapping his wings slightly.

"If you want me to keep my lips sealed, I'll be wanting something in return." I smiled slyly.

"I think I know just the thing." Before I knew what was happening, Kratos had slung me over his shoulder, and was carrying me to my bedroom, laughing insanely. Little did we know that the walls were thinner than we had originally thought.

* * *

The next day, I was trying to write a report, but found it rather difficult to concentrate. Shiloh had learned a few new words, and was desperate to call them out whenever he could. 

"Ooooh Kratos!" he squawked playfully, causing me to look up sharply.

"Shut up." I hissed, before placing my pencil back on the paper to try and continue the report.

"Yeah, you know what I like!" Shiloh ruffled his feathers swiftly, and tilted his head.

"Stop it!" I snarled, clenching my fists.

For a little while, it was completely quiet. But all of a sudden, Shiloh called something extremely inappropriate. I pressed the pencil on the paper so forcefully, it snapped into two.

"Be quiet, loudmouth!" I hollered.

"Shiloh despises crackers!" Shiloh said innocently.

"Good." I turned back to the report.

"Hey Yuan, grab a cond-"

"_WHY_!"

* * *

I spent the next few days trying to teach Shiloh some new words, but it was no use. My attempts just seemed to make things worse. 

"Nice to meet you." I told Shiloh slowly, emphasising every word.

"Nice to meet you hunny!" Shiloh squawked.

"I like Renegades." I tried again.

"I like men." Shiloh said, tilting his head. I sighed loudly.

"Pass the sugar, please."

"Pass the lubri-"

Luckily, Shiloh was cut off as the door suddenly slid open with a hiss, and a Renegade entered.

"I've got the report on Forcystus, sir." he said, saluting.

"Ah, finally. Did you manage to find out what he's up to yet?" I inquired, as the Renegade dropped a large file on my desk. Forcystus had been acting oddly for a few weeks now, and I made it my mission to find out why.

"Not yet, sir. But we've seen him snooping around near Iselia, and took some pictures. They've been included in the files."

"Very good." I opened the report, and flipped through it. "It all seems to be in order."

"Then, I shall take my leave now." The Renegade saluted, and turned to the door.

"Nice ass." Shiloh squawked, in an almost perfect imitation of my voice. But by now, I'd gotten used to that. The Renegade, however, hadn't.

"What?" he asked, staring at me.

"Hm?" I looked up from the report absentmindedly.

"Sir, if you need us to try and infiltrate Forcystus's bathroom while we're at it, just say the word. I'm sure we'd get better photos of his 'nice ass' while he's in the shower." The Renegade quickly suppressed a snort.

"W-what? No, I didn't- I mean... It was the parrot!" Turning violently red, I turned to point at Shiloh, who was glancing around innocently.

"Sure, sir." The Renegade smiled widely, before leaving the room. A long silence followed.

"That is _it_!" I snarled, stomping towards the feathery misfit.

"Not the face!" Shiloh called.

* * *

A few hours later, I was sitting at my desk once again, enjoying the silence. Everything seemed so quiet with that foulmouthed monster out of the way... 

The door slid open once again, and Kratos entered. He gazed around for a moment.

"Where's Shiloh?"

"You mean that annoying bird? He's gone now." I replied, smiling evilly.

"Gone?" Kratos frowned.

"He bothered me. But he won't anymore. Peace and quiet at last..."

"Yuan! You didn't-!"

"Why not? I had every right to. I dispose of people who stand in my way, so the same goes for parrots." I crossed my arms indignantly.

"It was an innocent creature! Plus, it was a gift from me..." Kratos pouted slightly.

"And I'm sure you'll continue to try your best and find me a new pet, as you always do." I sighed slightly.

"I'm not sure I want to leave another animal in the care of a serial-pet-killer."

"What? You think I-" I suddenly burst out laughing, unable to continue that sentence.

"I don't really enjoy watching you lose your mental stability..." Kratos strode over to me, and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I had to fight hard to get myself to stop laughing.

"I released it in Ymir forest, you dense idiot!" I finally managed to say.

"Oooops! Heheh. For a minute there, I thought you'd actually killed it."

"Pets only die in accidents by my hands. I don't _murder_ them."

"In that case, how about a hamster?" Kratos asked innocently.

"You tease!" I called with a smirk, pulling the human into a hug.

* * *

((Awww... I think that out of all the pets, I liked Shiloh best.)) 

((Shiloh was named after Shiloh Strong, who voices Zelos! But I'm pretty sure that was obvious...))


	6. Colleen and Jennifer

Yuan's quest for pets

((A/N: Ugh. I've got a horrible cold...

**Kitsu:** Somehow, I always get Zelos to be a parrot in my fics or spoofs... I wonder why.

**Seraphim Rhapsody:** You think Yuan would want Zelos to find out all that... private stuff the parrot's been squawking?

**Sesshy is sexii:** The Renegade has been sent on a very long holiday now. It's the only way to bride a Renegade, really.

**PrincessKaina2:** Yes, everyone should become a YuanxKratos fangirl! Muahahahah!

**Azalee:** Hah, yeah, that'd be awkward!

**The Shadowfox Mistress:** Those kind of animals are a bit too... dangerous.

**Everyone else:** Thanks for reviewing! Yaaay!

* * *

Colleen and Jennifer.

"Surprise!"

Nearly getting a heartattack, I looked up sharply to see Kratos had somehow made it inside my office without producing a single sound. There wasn't even the usual hiss of the door!

"Creep!" I called out, before I could stop myself.

It had been one day since the parrot incident, and the human was now standing in my office, holding a small and colourful cage.

"You weren't kidding about that hamster?" I groaned.

"Ofcourse not!" Kratos smirked and placed the cage on top of my desk. "See? Look how happy he is!"

I peered into the cage expectantly. Curled up in a corner, almost buried in sawdust was a small white hamster.

"It doesn't look too happy to me. Or active, for that matter." I said with a frown.

"Well, I bet he's just tired from the trip."

"Uhuh..."

"So, whatcha doing?" Kratos asked, leaning casually against my desk.

"I'm reading a book on ancient and lifelong curses."

"... Why would you do that?"

"I'm trying to find out if there's some sort of curse that prevents people from having luck with pets. Because if it didn't exist before, I've discovered it." I said, smiling nostalgically as I flipped through the pages.

"You're not cursed. You just had a stroke of bad luck." Kratos snorted.

"I _stepped_ on a chameleon!" I called out.

"Heh, well, that was kinda silly..." Kratos giggled. He was soon being shoved towards the door.

"OUT!"

"You can kick me out, but I'll just find another way in! I'll be back, you mark my words!"

* * *

As it turned out, the hamster wasn't very lively at all. It spent the entire day sleeping. But during the night, when I tried to get some sleep myself, I could hear his little tredmill squeaking from the next room, driving me completely mad. Deciding that even though it was a nuisance, it needed a name, I dubbed the little rat Colleen. 

The next morning, I noticed that his food dish was empty, and opened the cage. If I wanted it to stay alive, I might as well feed it. The second I reached for the dish though, Colleen had awoken, and sunk his fangs into my finger.

"Yowtch!"

Immediately pulling my hand back, I discovered that Colleen was not about to let go. It was hanging from my finger like... something evil that likes biting your finger.

"Let go, sneaky furball!" I growled, shaking my hand slightly. Nothing happened.

"Look, I can stand here forever, you know. You're wasting your time."

After five minutes, Colleen suddenly decided to let go, and fell to the ground. But before I could grab him, he'd hidden underneath my desk.

"Ah, dammit."

I quickly sank through my knees, and tried to see where he had gone, when I heard a familiar sound behind me. Someone had entered the office.

"Errr... Excuse me sir, I've got the-"

"Close the door, you moron!" I shouted, looking back. I was just in time to see a little white furball shoot into the hallway, through the legs of a confused Renegade. Seething in anger, I got to my feet again.

"Seal off the base. Now. I don't want anyone entering or leaving! And catch that damn hamster!"

"But, sir-"

"Do it!"

The entire Renegade force spent the rest of the day searching the base, in search of their leader's hamster. But it was in vain.

* * *

Ofcourse, Kratos soon found out I had lost the hamster, and came up with yet another pet idea. Any sane person would have given up by now. But oh no, not Kratos Aurion. 

"It's a... snake?" I asked, tilting my head slightly to stare at a sleek, black snake that was lying lazily in the glass tank that was once occupied by Tara.

"Not just any snake! It's a Torent forest stealth snake." Kratos said proudly, placing his hands on his hips and glancing at me with a victorious look in his eyes.

"Aren't those poisonous?"

"Yes. But don't worry, if you don't anger it, it's harmless."

"I see..." I gave a nervous chuckle, trying not to seem intimidated by that comment. "So what do I feed it?"

"I brought a bag of dead mice you can-"

"Excuse me!" I shouted, jumping to my feet.

"Well, it eats small rodents, so I thought I'd save you the trouble of catching them yourself." Kratos shrugged, holding up a small bag.

"That's disgusting!" I wrinkled my nose slightly at the thought of touching dead mice.

"It's the circle of life."

"Tch." I sat down behind my desk again, peering at the snake. It seemed to be asleep. "So does it have a name?"

"You're asking _me_ that?" Kratos seemed slightly surprised.

"I'll let you name it, and see if that improves my fortune." I replied simply.

"How about... Jennifer?"

"Sure, fine." I gave a mild shrug. I couldn't really care what those things were called anymore.

* * *

A day passed, and everything seemed to be going well. Jennifer spent pretty much all her time sleeping, her tongue occasionally flashing at me. But sooner or later I'd have to throw caution in the wind, because it would be feeding time. 

I apprehensively pulled the lid off the tank, and glanced down at Jennifer. There was no response. Letting out a breath of relief, I decided to put off touching those mice as long as possible, and refresh her water first. Ofcourse, that would mean sticking my hand in there. And I wouldn't risk that until I knew it was safe.

Grabbing a pencil, I used it to slowly poke Jennifer. She lazily opened an eye to glance at me, but didn't budge.

Smiling slightly, I reached out for the water dish. Big mistake. Jennifer let out a loud hiss, and managed to wrap herself around my arm in the fraction of a second. I instantly froze in fear, as the snake flicked her tongue, and slowly started to make her way towards my shoulder. Sweat started to roll down my face, and I cursed Kratos for giving me such a dangerous pet. If I came out of this alive, I'd make him pay.

Jennifer had now reached my shoulder, and was headed towards my neck. Nope, I wasn't going to make it out of here alive afterall. Letting out a strange squeaking sound in fear, I passed out.

* * *

((Ah, it's pretty funny to imagine Yuan passing out. As long as he doesn't hit his head on the desk or anything...)) 

((Colleen was named after Colleen O'Shaughnessy, aka Genis! Jennifer was named after Jennifer Hale, aka Sheena!))


	7. The perfect pet

Yuan's quest for pets

((A/N: Ah, the last chapter already. Yeah, I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to be a really long fic, with every animal in existance. Just a little 'What would happen if Yuan got a pet' fic. So... I hope you enjoyed it. And this chapter is a bit short, because it is an epilogue chapter.))

* * *

The perfect pet.

By the time I woke up again, Jennifer had disappeared, and the door leading into the hallway was wide open. I had tried not to spread panic, but the second I said that a poisonous Torent forest stealth snake was hiding somewhere in the base, all the Renegades had immediately called in sick and left, leaving me to fend for myself.

It was because of that that I arrived late at the Cruxis meeting the next day. As I walked through the door, I found that all the cardinals, Kratos and Yggdrasill were already seated, and shooting me angry glares.

"Lord Yuan... I trust you have a valid reason for being so inconsiderately late?" Yggdrasill asked coldly, peering at me with his empty green eyes.

"Uhm... Domestic problems. It will not happen again." I replied, giving a quick bow before hurrying to my seat. Kratos glanced at me curiously, but I ignored him, as I heard Pronyma whisper something to Forcystus.

"That's gotta be a lie. He lives alone."

"And I also happen to have excellent hearing, Pronyma." I said to her with narrowed eyes.

Pronyma glared at me indignantly, but didn't reply.

"Back to the conversation then." Yggdrasill called shortly.

* * *

Two long hours later, the meeting was finally over. The cardinals immediately walked out the door, talking loudly, followed by Yggdrasill. 

"What happened?" Kratos asked, getting up from his chair and approaching me. "You're normally never this late."

"Heh, funny story." I said, smiling faintly. "See, Jennifer escaped from her tank yesterday. I was up all night, worrying where she could have gone, but I found her just now."

"Where was she?"

"Well, apparently she had a little run-in with Colleen. And you can guess what snakes do to little hamsters." I sighed, leaning back.

"Oh dear." Kratos gasped, raising his hand to his mouth.

"But that's not all. Colleen had been gorging on the food from the kitchen, and was so fat that Jennifer choked on him." I explained, watching Kratos's expression turn from shocked to sympathetic. "So I basically killed two pets at the same time."

"But Yuan, that wasn't your fault..."

"Yes it was. If I hadn't let them escape, it wouldn't have happened." I sighed, shaking my head sadly.

"Then, how about I get you a-"

"No!" I cut in immediately. "No more pets."

"But..." Kratos pouted slightly. I had to admit, that made him look adorable. But I couldn't let that persuade me.

"I won't be responsible for any more deaths." I grunted, getting up from my chair sharply.

"Please, Yuan! Just one more!"

"Is this like some twisted game to you? 'See how many animals Yuan can kill before he snaps'? Because it's not funny." I snarled.

"You'll love this one! I promise!" Kratos grabbed my hands, staring sadly at me with large puppydog eyes.

"I-I... Uh..." Oh dear lord, not the puppydog look! Darnit, he knew I couldn't withstand that!

"Pleeease!"

"Fine." I spat, looking away.

"You won't regret it!" Kratos called happily. Talk about moodswings...

* * *

A few hours later, I was in my office, waiting for Kratos. I had no clue what he would be dragging in this time, since he insisted that it should be a 'surprise'... How childish. Yet I couldn't help but wonder. 

Finally, the door opened with a hiss and Kratos strolled in. I immediately pretended to be busy with my paperwork, not realising the forms were upside-down.

"Hey Yuan!" Kratos called. "Come check out your new pet!"

"Hm?" I looked up to see Kratos clutching a leash. But the odd thing was that it was just... a leash. "What, you're giving me an imaginary pet now?"

"Guess again!" Kratos smirked slyly.

"It's a micro germ?"

"Nope."

"Some sort of invisible cow?"

"Let me give you another clue." Kratos took the collar, and tied it around his own neck.

"..." It slowly dawned on me now.

"His name is Kratos, he likes swordfighting, dislikes tomatoes, and I can guarantee you that he won't die or get on your nerves."

"I see..." Chuckling mildly, I approached Kratos and petted him on the head. After a whole lot of failed tries, the human had finally managed to find me the perfect pet afterall.

* * *

((Awwww... The end!)) 


End file.
